Swami, life is weird.
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small/big issues that came with showing affection, albeit publicly, disappointment with feedback, scars on the face that may run deeper, grow darker, learning that letting go of the past is a lightening experience, a releasing experience. understanding that forgiveness is key. knowing that letting the body feel ‘safe’ and healthy is true health.
the goal shouldn’t be perfect scores on every meeting, but it should be to be better about mariyada and understand perceptions
the goal shouldn’t be to have a perfect relationship, but it should include not remembering old hurts and letting go, truly, to become lighter and free
the goal shouldn’t be to have the perfect body, but a better state of overall being and health. wanting to lose weight to be healthy never works. wanting to be healthy, and losing weight as a result, is what this is about
the goal shouldn’t be to forgive everything, but it should be to hold nothing inside and being free. if that means letting go, then letting go is what should be done.
the goal isn’t to have translucent skin, but it should be to do whatever it takes to care for the skin that does exist.
the goal is to not miss puja. the goal is to hold myself to a higher standard. the goal is sadhana.
Swami,
I have a responsibility to my health and well-being. Only I can have this, which means I have to be on top of it. If he wants a child before 34, then I have to meet my health goals in that time frame. I have to be in a place where i can conceive. i have to work on affirmations that help with this. If that means taking things seriously now, then so be it. Another supervisor in the clinic has a 4 year child that developed a fever on Friday, which turned out to be a rare tumor that only affects children. He might have a 4 year survival rate after the diagnosis.
the goal isn’t to smile nonstop all day, but it should be to always be grateful. always. always. always.
why do we forget gratitude, Swami? a patient yelled at the sweetest staff member we have at the front desk because he had been waiting for 15 minutes for an appointment. what he didn’t know what that at the same time, we were working with a patient with altered mental status who was suddenly unresponsive, with a wife who needed a walker to move. the sweet wife of the patient had to walk across the building, get into a parking deck that’s not the most accessible, into the cold weather to get into a cold car and drive to the emergency room parking deck. she would be walking just as much if not more to get from the deck to the emergency room before finally seeing her husband.
i can preach about gratitude all day from experience, but how can i remind myself to have the same during a difficult time? how can i tell myself to not blow up? how do i let go of the one person’s faults that drive me the most insane?
how do i forgive, swami?
how do i forgive myself, swami?
to do-
- write affirmations
- make a list of everyone and everything i need to forgive/let go
- morning yoga/exercise sets
- meditation guide
- puja
